through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
Share, now.
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
Randomize
