The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
Randomize
