dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
Randomize
