We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
Randomize
