consequently i now know what mace tastes like
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
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