you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
It was confusing and full of hummus
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
Randomize