Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
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