we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
She just used a chaser for red wine.
this must be what syphilis tastes like
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
Randomize
