There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize
