My nipple is on Facebook.
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
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