Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
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