mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
I just spread your mom's ashes with my new girlfriend. I wouldve waited for you to fly home but she was uncomfortable in the house with her remains there. I'll mail you the urn since u handpainted it.
YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND ALREADY!?! WTF WE JUST HAD HER FUNERAL 3 WEEKS AGO!!!!!!!!!!!!
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
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