Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
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