Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
Randomize
