The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
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