uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
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