Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
Brb crying the tears of my youth
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
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