Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
Randomize
