By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
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