dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
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