Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
Randomize
