I like my sex mixed with concussions.
i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
Randomize
