you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
how do you play pong handcuffed?
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
Randomize
