The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
All the doctor said was why
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
Randomize
