something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
Randomize