I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
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