I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
there is puke in my bra ... again
Randomize
