Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
Also, any YOLOwl-related sex photos will result in you winning ten orgasms, courtesy of myself, as well as sweets and bacon-based dinner. All entrants welcome
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
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