Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
Randomize
