She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
I'm always down for nudity.
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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