Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
do you think women who transgender themselves have the option of getting a circumcised or an uncircumcised dick?
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
You need a sexual gate keeper
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
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