i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Randomize
