glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize