a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
I will die if light touches me.
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize
