Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
But break dance skills will only take you so far
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
Randomize
