I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
Randomize
