I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
Randomize
