M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
im six kinds of drunk right now
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Randomize
