i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
My orgasm happened in two different decades
Randomize
