Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize
