I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
Randomize
