The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
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