Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Randomize
