I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
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