the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
fuck your aforementioned shoe
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
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