I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
she went to type in rate my professors and rate my pussy came up in my recent searches. needless to say, i will likely be masturbating to the aforementioned site tonight.
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
Randomize
