i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
A bitchslap is in order.
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
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