i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
Randomize
