If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
Randomize
