He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
Randomize
