Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
Randomize
