Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
Randomize
