I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
Her eyes are really red like she jus got out of the hospital and shes coughing ...80 ppl at her school do have swine flu dude
So your saying just a blow job?
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
Can you repeat that, but with context?
I need a beard to bite.
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
