my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
Randomize
