even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
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