you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
Randomize
