me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize
