So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
Randomize
