I am full of burrito and curiosity
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
Life without a bra equals bliss.
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
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