Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
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