I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
Randomize