I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
Find out what day classes start and I will come down to Richmond that weekend. Any broad who claims to be 18-21 will be promptly ID'd. My job has trained me to spot a fake from a mile away, and I don't need a statutory rape charge.
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
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