Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
