Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
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