now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
