My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
Randomize
