escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
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