I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
Randomize
