i think my mom watched the whole time
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Randomize
