This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
You're breaking my sexual little heart
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
Randomize
