Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
Randomize
