So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
Randomize
