Bitch is talking to much, howd u ever get her 2 shut up?
It's worth it.
How worth it?
Back door worth it
Porn is love you can see.
i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
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