ya dads aren't the best wingmen
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
The ass gains better be worth it
Randomize
