mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
Randomize
