you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
Randomize
