Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
Randomize
