she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
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