I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
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