You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
You have to summon your inner elephant
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
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