the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
Randomize
