I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
Randomize
