just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
let me know it goes. try not to get bit. and if you can, get someone to videotape it.
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
Randomize