this is amy. the small petlike person from the womens bathroom at the reef.
New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
Randomize
