You'd love this place it's beautiful. Plus these people smell like garlic
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
Randomize
