my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
don't judge my taste in strippers
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
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