That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
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