Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
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