Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
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